Spiritual Awareness: Hurt People, Hurt People.
“Keep in mind, hurting people often hurt other people as a result of their own pain. If somebody is rude and inconsiderate, you can almost be certain that they have some unresolved issues inside. They have some major problems, anger, resentment, or some heartache they are trying to cope with or overcome. The last thing they need is for you to make matters worse by responding angrily.”
― Joel Osteen.
I would like to think that I am mostly a kind and loving person. I make an earnest effort to treat people with the dignity and respect I believe is rightfully theirs. I am sure I have missed the mark at times, but saying or doing hurtful things intentionally, malicioiusly and consistently is not part of my character. For the most part, those close to me feel and behave the same way.
But every once in a while I encounter someone who says or does something hurtful to me and it always gives me reason to pause.
Someone whom I have known since my teenage years said something to me about my mother that shocked me into stillness. I mean, it was so bad; it goes beyond what you may have typically heard. The first time it happened, and when the explanation for why this comment was made was given to me, it did not make any sense. But I did not absorb it. I forgave the person and let it go. However after the first occasion, this person would say this to me each and every time he would see me.
Now I am not a reactionary person and I did think maybe this person was trying to get a reaction out of me. But why, I wondered.
Then suddenly it hit me. This person was not saying these things about my mother because they were angry at her. They were saying it because they were angry with me. They were deliberately trying to hurt me.
I pondered, what in the world had I ever done to this person, whom I had known for years and treated like a brother, for him to want to hurt my feelings so badly enough to get me to react? And almost instantly, the answer came, which I will keep to myself.
I then put myself in this person shoes and looked at things from his perspective. I could see myself as the kind and loving person I am, having never hurt him ever and realized something. This person was hurting inside and that was why he was trying to hurt me. Remember that saying: Hurt people, hurt people?
It was then I had a huge epiphany! I thought of all my friends who have never said or done anything intentionally to hurt me and realized I had never given them a reason to. And even if I did something by accident, I know that they would have forgiven me because they know me well enough not to believe I would ever intentionally hurt them.
Then, I thought of small handful of people whom I have crossed paths with who have gone out of their way and done some hurtful things to me. I realized that at some point I must have said or done something that rubbed them the wrong way, but they never told me what that was. I realized that maybe they must have taken what I had done, magnified it in their minds, turned it around and made it into an act of intention from me.
Wow! I thought! But I also realized that probably even before any ill-conceived and imagined intentional act I had committed, this person was already hurting about something that had nothing to do with me.
I don’t walk around pain. I also do not absorb what people have done to me. I also know that two wrongs don’t make a right and that hurting another person because they may have hurt your feelings is a true double negative. I know that it is best to show love and forgiveness and move forward.
This experience really taught me that so many people are walking around in pain. There are people unable to forgive, or better yet articulate a perceived hurt so that whatever broken fences exist can be mended and hearts can be healed. It also saddens me, that because hurt people hurt others, they never really get to foster a good relationship with the very people that love them. Because in essence, once you realize that a person is intentionally hurting you, you will draw away from the person. Hurt people will essentially lose someone who loves them by consistently hurting them.
A few days after the last encounter with my friend, I woke up with him heavily on my mind. It was like the spirit was screaming at me, telling me specifically: “You cannot ever be in this person’s presence again.” I know that the reason for this message is this: Until they heal whatever they are really hurting about inside that has nothing to do with you, you cannot trust your spirit around this person. They will keep hurting you over and over again. And that will break your spirit!
Now that I am aware, I steer clear of people who on the first instance show me who they are. I don’t hang around very long. I pray for them from a distance and hope that they get the full measure of healing that their soul so desperately needs. I even believe that you can play a role in this healing, because leaving a person alone to ruminate over their actions toward you may cause them to take a hard look at themselves.
To those who are hurting here is a message:
Loving and kind people do not intentionally mean to hurt you, more than likely they never will because they are too afraid to damage your soul and put negative energy out into the world. If you have had your feelings hurt, then speak up. Most times you may find that your perception may be a bit off. When you do and the air is clear, go inside and ask yourself why did you ever think that this person would ever hurt you? I can almost guarantee you will start with an answer that sounds like this: “Because I…”
Go from there. Identify the true nature of your hurt beliefs and start that inner healing process for yourself. Give yourself the opportunity to have meaningful relationships with people who truly love you and would never, ever hurt you. Be at peace in your soul!
Live the Life!