Positivity: Guest Blog- A Brave New World: Online Dating!



“Dating is like trying to make a meal out of leftovers. Some leftovers actually get better when they've had a little time to mature. But others should be thrown out right away, No matter how you try to warm them up, they're never as good as when they were new.” 




This is the second article by guest blogger Michelle Killic. The divorced mother of a son takes us through her jaunts of dating on the online scene!


Spring is in the air and it is time once again to remind us humans how beautiful life is when the natural life cycle returns to the magical dance that is rebirth. Part of that rebirth for me is watching local birds nest themselves right upon a ledge on my front porch. I look out my front door and I can see a sparrow lay her eggs and watch as her babies hatch (with the father looking on) to then become part of the natural cycle that is our world. I love to see it every springtime and feel lucky to know that these special creatures have chosen my front porch to do this every year.

Which gets me thinking, particularly about our human need to find a partner and begin our own dance of love just like the little sparrows that grace my home each year. Not necessarily to have children, although this could be someone’s motive, but to rekindle the need we all have to find someone to love and be loved in return. I say this as a divorced mother of a young son, who although having a great life and busy raising my child, still longs for a time to reconnect with my romantic side to become one with a partner again. 

It is a very strong feeling we all have on some level, but the question today in our society with all the different options to find the “right” person becomes, “How does someone find their special someone in this day and age when being unauthentic is so prevalent?” Especially if your chosen method of finding someone occurs online.  Whether that method be through Facebook or online dating, either way, more and more people are finding it extremely difficult to locate people who are “real” and thus maintaining their own “real” status themselves. I know this situation first hand, as I too have traversed into the abyss that is online dating.

One cannot talk about online dating without first bringing up the most well-known reference in recent years in the realm of online dating, “Catfish.” This term originally came from the 2010 documentary and now television show by the same name. On the internet, a "catfish" is a person who creates fake personal profile(s) on social media sites using someone else's pictures and false biographical information to pretend to be someone other than themselves. So how does someone like myself find that special someone without getting “Catfished?”

I have found, like with all things, it always starts with yourself. I first must represent myself as authentically and genuinely as I can. Which if you’ve ever tried online dating, you can understand the dilemma that comes with such an endeavor. It is no easy task and sometimes the expectation you place on yourself is too high and in no way represents who you truly are. So my first suggestion starts with the most obvious. Posting the most current representation of yourself, your pictures.


Almost all people who have used online as a dating tool will tell you that having current up to date pictures is one of the most important features one can have. Not only because we are all visual creatures and enjoy looking at someone’s physicality, but also to see how that particular person sees themselves. The kind of pictures a person chooses to post or not post is very telling when getting to know someone. Are they attractive (which is subjective), or are they active, caring, enjoy being out in social situations? You can tell a lot about someone by the pictures they choose to post. 


Of course there is also the opposite side of that coin. People who consciously and purposefully misrepresent themselves. By either posting old pictures of themselves when they were younger and better looking (at least in their minds eye) or not posting any pictures at all. And what about what people write about themselves? What a person says about themselves online can be enlightening when learning about someone for the first time. 

Ultimately, the real test comes when you finally meet face to face.  A well composed profile with fantastic pictures cannot make up for actual one on one time with one another. This is where a real connection is made. Otherwise, what you end up with is a fantasy that has been made up in one’s mind while never really finding out if two people click to begin with. By virtue of the situation in and of itself, it is very easy to be disillusioned with the whole process and eventually a person will give up altogether. So the question still remains, “How does one maintain a sense of authenticity among the sea of faces who are anything but authentic?”

The only real truth to this question is for a person to be just that, authentic in every way online. Post recent, honest pictures of yourself which represent yourself in a real authentic light.  It’s very easy for someone to judge their own pictures negatively when in reality, people looking at you online may judge your “bad” pictures with genuine positivity, seeing you as attractive. Write a well thought out profile that not only speaks to your positive qualities as a human being but what you want from someone else as a potential partner. 

If the laws of attraction have any meaning to you, make sure you’re posting things you want, not things you don’t want. It speaks volumes about a person who writes mainly negative things online versus someone who writes mainly positive things. I’m not saying that something negative can’t be entered into your profile, but if success is important remember that positive things are looked upon more highly and therefore, other positive people are naturally drawn to them. Although there are no guarantees in life, especially when it comes to online dating,  please remember that with true intention and honest representation, eventually things will lead to their significant other whether online or through other means. 


Don’t give up and always know that something worthwhile takes time and will be worth it in the end.  Just be yourself and the person who compliments you will show up in your life one way or another, and isn't that want we all want? 






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